Alright, so like a week or so ago me and Aubrey were talking about phone plans, (keep in mind texting has been sucking up the majority of my account balance since it’s $0.10 for every text I receive/send) and he dug up an old article on a T-Mobile prepaid plan. $30 a month for unlimited data(5GB)/text with 100 minutes of talk. Pretty much sounds like a custom tailored plan to me… so I went in search of it…

I found it, but it was for new activations only… so I started to scheme. What if I had a new activation, but transferred my old number? I went to online chat to ask about this and got fairly positive answers. SO I went to a T-Mobile store, but they couldn’t do the things I wanted and directed me to Walmart Caverns for a prepaid kit.

As I arrived in the antechamber that is the Walmart tech desk, overrun by zombies, I found they no longer had any kits. In fact the last kit had already been taken by a previous adventure long ago, a tale lost to antiquity.

But there was still a way! A funny little elf (the guy at the counter) said I could by a phone with a SIM card, for only 20gp no less! I was quick to accept the offer and fled the infernal Walmart caverns with my loot, a flip phone, a sim card, and a cherry coke. Assembling the device was easy, too easy. I would have to enter the interwebs, and enter I did, on very crappy wifi I might add. Activating the new number was a straight forward ritual, going past all the crappy plans they wanted me to take I scrolled my way through and found my goal second to the bottom of the list.

Now came the hard part, switching the numbers! I sent a chat pigeon to a wizard with my request and a chat prompt materialized from the void (srsly guise, it wuz freekii) and attempted to walk me through the incantation. Hours later it was “done” said the wizard. I had only to wait for 24 hours and the sorcery would be complete.

But WOE when I woke the next morning, the sorcery had already taken effect, albeit in a foul fashion. The SIMs of my phones had swapped souls, number, plan, and all. This would not do! So I sent another messenger pigeon for another wizard. This time a sorceress replied. This sorceress was a bit impatient, a little bit of a foul personality, with an obvious loathing towards human-folk.

But perhaps that is the cost associated with genius. In less than an hour she changed the numbers, transfer the excess balance, and deactivated the unneeded number. So quick and effortless was the incantation I can scarce remember her doing anything at all.

And that, friends, was as true story as any story told.